My least favourite word

I’ll let you in on an on-going conversation I’ve had in that last little while.  It’s not a verbal conversation, and it’s more of a summary of what I think it would look like if some of the events of the past few months were summarized in a short conversation (I'm not sure I followed that sentence, either, so don't feel bad).  It’s not a non-stop conversation, but it has been in the back of my mind quite a bit.

Me: "Ooo. That looks like a neat opportunity.  Think maybe I could –"

God: "No."

Me: "Hey, he’s kinda cute. I wonder if –"

God: "Nope."

Me: "How about if I –"

God: "Not gonna happen."

Me: "Goodness, God, you gonna let me do anything fun?"

[silence]

Or maybe He’s saying something and I’m tuning Him out.

Sometimes I feel like I’m still two because I hate the word “No” so much. At least, when someone else is saying it to me; I have no problem saying it to others.

Sometimes it seems as though "No" is ALL I hear.

Now, I know that’s not true. I’ve been told "Yes" a number of times, and in many ways I’ve got it pretty good. But it always seem to be the "No" responses that get to me and that I remember more. It’s always what I don’t have that minimizes what I do have. It’s the whole “The grass is greener on the other side” thing.

I know, I’m supposed to put God first and strive for His glory, and that’s when I will be fully satisfied. And that’s where my joy will come from.  I was reflecting and questioning this statement last night, wondering how I could find joy.

I know the Sunday School answer to that question.  It involves putting what God wants for me ahead of what I want for me.It involves acknowledging that He is good, He knows best and that He has other ways He wants to bless me.

But that just leads me to yet another question.

 How can I put the invisible reality (God, eternal rewards, <insert your own response here>) ahead of the visible reality (wealth, family, house, <insert your own response here>).   And you know what words came to mind?

"Endure."

"Strive."

"Persevere."

Goodness, those are not pretty words.  They don’t paint a joyful picture of life. 

And yet, they are taken directly from Scripture. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that "For the joy set before him, [Jesus] endured the cross…"  Paul tells Timothy "That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially those who believe" (1Timothy 10). And he also tells the Romans that "…we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Romans 5:3-4).

Paul went through so much in his lifetime:

 “Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers” (2 Corinthians 11:24-26).

And yet he was still able to say this:

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12-13).

And right there is what I am aiming for: living content.  And the formula is right there, too: through Him (Jesus) who gives me strength.  It doesn't say anything about Jesus giving us the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the perfect house, the perfect meal. It says He gives us strength.

Strength to endure, to strive, to persevere.

It seems so easy.

And yet it's so hard.