one year

A year ago today, I jumped on a Greyhound bus bound for a small town in upstate New York.  The goal of that trip, I realized, was to learn as much as I could about cross-cultural transition.

Little did I know that this was code for "information overload."  Oh. My. Goodness.  I won't get into it too much except to say that I felt the image they gave us of the transition process wasn't entirely accurate or helpful.

And then there was the fire siren that would go off at all hours.  There couldn't have been that many fires, could there?

"Congrats on surviving!" I was told at the end of my 2+ weeks.  "The transition to China is much easier." 

And much to my relief, it was.  But it was also harder in respects I hadn't even thought of, and that no one really knew to warn me about.

I've come a long way over the past year. I've still got a long way to go, but I've definitely come a loooong way.  

I've flown in more flights than I had in my previous 29 years COMBINED. Never thought I'd say this, but my itch to travel has definitely subsided. For now...

I now understand what my French students go through when they are in my class.  Learning a language after the age of six that looks and sounds nothing like any other language you happen to know is painfully difficult. Not to mention exhausting.

I've lived with a roommate that, prior to moving to China, I didn't even know existed. It's been an eye-opener for me in terms of how selfish I can be. I've learned to communicate more clearly, and to always be mindful of the fact that there's someone else in the house.

I have come to the point where when I hear someone refer to "foreigners" or "foreign staff" at work, that includes me. 

I've had to learn to rely on others for just about everything.  "How do I get to the market? Can you take me there sometime soon?"  "Can you come with me to buy train tickets?"  "What's he saying to me? I don't understand." "Can you tell her that I want this for a cheaper price?" "What bus do I take to get to ....?" These are all questions that I've asked at some point during my time here.    Many times, I've been able to find certain places on my own without having to ask someone to come along, and I now have enough vocabulary and knowledge to be able to handle routine situations.  But I still don't pay my own utility bills.  I have to ask someone to call my landlord if something needs to be done in the apartment. I need someone to translate for me if I want my helper to do something different when she cleans.

I now know what it's like to be illiterate. I've heard that, in order to read a newspaper, you need to know about 2000 distinct characters. Or is it 20 000?  Either way, I know less than 20. Thankfully, English is making headway, and many products on store shelves have pictures on them.  But you never quite know if you're actually getting what you want.  Once upon a time, I bought of tube of facewash that had a bleaching agent in it.  Ooops.

I am now much more tolerant of differences between cultures.  I had a 17-year old girl tell me "Don't question, just accept!" when I reacted to fireworks at 9 in the morning.  There are still times where I feel taken advantage of, angry and confused - for instance when fireworks went off day and night during Chinese New Year and I couldn't sleep - but I've learned to kind of go with the flow.  Yeah, still a work in progress there!

I'm learning to be careful what I say.  As a kid, I always took advantage of the fact that I could speak a language (French) with my mother that not many others could understand.  As such, I could go shopping and complain about the price or what have you without anyone really knowing. Thing is, in a globalized world, you never know who can understand what you're saying, especially when you're speaking English, not French. And not only that, but many of my colleagues are Chinese, not to mention they are fluent in English.  So if I feel like bashing the Chinese culture while I'm at work or in a public setting ... I should probably hold my tongue.

I've learned a lot about relationships and how I do them, as well as my expectations of them.  I've learned a lot about selfishness and selflessness and where I tend to be on that spectrum (definitely not the latter most of the time ...). I've learned about relationships with people locally, with both foreigners and locals, as well as relationships with people back home and how to keep those up.

I've learned to live without certain things.  I usually don't buy butter or cheese for myself. My meals are pretty plain (standard fare includes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, cereal, eggs in various forms, spaghetti, various kinds of soup, bananas, apples and veggies).  Cheese and butter are rather expensive and not available at the local market.  If I really wanted to, I could make weekly trips out to Carrefour, but those take time because it's not super close. Not super far, either ... if you have a car and/or are willing to pay the taxi fare (I don't and I'm not always). Besides, cooking for one is really difficult. Not to mention, produce goes bad too quickly, so I don't buy large quantities. And if you think I eat poorly, I do tend to eat out a few times a week so I get decent food there.  I don't miss food from home; as someone put it, I eat to live, I don't live to eat.  But if you put good food in front of me, I will eat it :)

Physical touch is something I'm (somewhat) more comfortable with now. It's not uncommon for girls to link arms and/or hold hands. So I found myself on Wednesday walking down the street holding hands with a married woman. Weird for me, but ... okay.

And speaking of married, I'm learning to laugh off the comments about marriage. And me. In other words, comments about me getting married. I very quickly learned how to say "mei you nanpengyou" (I don't have a boyfriend) because it's a question that comes up a lot.  It's considered a shameful thing to not be married at a certain age, and everyone has something to say about me and matrimony. Or what comes after. And considering the number of comments, I must not be at the "shameful" state just yet (yee-haw!) either that, or I'm exempt because I'm a foreigner.

"I know a Canadian Chinese man. Would you like to meet him?"

"You should marry a Chinese man because they are afraid of their wives."

"Teacher, I have a secret word I want to tell you."  (a 16-year old told me this.  She then proceeded to cover her mother's ears, which I thought was really cute).  "I really think you will get married soon.  And I am excited about it."

"You know, a good way to get rid of cramps?  Have a baby..."

Yep, life is certainly different here. And I am glad I've gotten to experience it all, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Because I've learned so much already from it all.

And I've still got one year (at least) to go, so stay tuned ...