Frustration!

Chinese is unlike any other language I know, thus the word order, the tones, the pronunciation, etc. do not follow many - if any - of the rules of any of the other languages I have studied.

It probably doesn't help that none of them are Asian languages ... 

At any rate, I've been known to scream in frustration and stomp around the room saying, "Wo bu xi huan!" (I don't like!) while stomping my feet.  I've also banged my head on a lot of tables.  

I remember one time, just for fun, I decided to write a note - in pinyin - to a (more fluent than me but not Chinese) co-worker.  I must have spent about a half-hour on that thing, thinking, erasing, looking up words and I was really, really proud of myself ...

Until I showed it to my Chinese teacher.  "What's this?" she asked, over and over and over again.  Wrong tones. Bad grammar. Poor word choice.

Dang. Dang dang DANG!  

But on the flip side, there have also been moments of victory.  When someone understands my bu hao (bad) Chinese, I always feel like doing a couple fist pumps and screaming "YEAH!" 

When I'm with co-workers - people who know me and my kooky-ness - I indulge. They laugh. We move on.

When I'm out in public, I'm a little more restrained and I'm just happy that I get what I want ...

I'm currently doing about 2 hours of study almost every day, one-on-one with a laoshi (teacher) employed by the school. It's summer time, it's hot, I'm tired from the year and a little stressed about all kinds of kooky logistics I need to figure out for my trip home (1.5 weeks!) as well as for life here ...

But it is what it is.  And I am making progress.  

Still, it's hard, as evidenced by the following conversation I had with my teacher....

Me:  {something in Chinese according to the rule I just learned. said with a proud attitude.}

Chinese teacher: {corrects my something in Chinese because there's a rule I didn't learn yet and somehow it applies to my sentence. Aiya!}

Me: {banging my head and hands on the table.}  Man, this table will be broken when my roommate comes home. (see note below)

Chinese teacher: {smiles}So I'd better move my stuff and put it in my purse.

Me: Chinese is very difficult for me to learn.  It's not a reflection on the language, the culture, or the country ...

Chinese teacher: So the teacher is the problem.

Me: I didn't say that! You're putting words in my mouth!

Yep, she's great. I like her.  She puts up with me, which means a lot.

And it's probably a good way for me to understand what my students are going through when they are learning French in my classroom.

Note on the table breaking: It's a heavy marble table top. In other words, the only thing that will be broken is my head ... if Chinese doesn't do it first!