Say what??

There are a few things I learned very quickly when I landed in China:

1) The Chinese put emphasis on getting married and having a child. It's the ultimate financial security plan, seeing that the child's responsibility when they get older is to take care of their parents.  

2) The older you are, the more shameful it is to be single.

3) Everyone and their five-year-old wants to know if I'm married and if I have kids.

All things considered, I learned very quickly how to tell people in Chinese that I am not married, I have no boyfriend, and I also have no children.  These phrases have saved my life. 

Okay, so no, they haven't saved my life. That's known as hyperbole (a literary term meaning exaggeration. Not to be confused with the math term - hyperbola - that means ... um ... some kind of curve that I don't need to know because, darn it, I teach English, not math!).  

In actuality, these simple phrases have more often than not led to a simple, one-word question: "Why?" Why do I not have a boyfriend? Why am I not married?  

And I am sad to say that, after 2 years of living in this country, I have no answer. No witty one, that is; I know how to say, "I don't know" but that's as far as it goes. And on that note, if anyone can come up with a witty response to this question, I will be eternally grateful. Bonus points if you can tell me how to say it in Chinese ...  

Anyway, that's not the point of this blog entry. 

I just thought I would share with you the centrality of the idea of having a significant other as a topic of conversation and the humour that ensues. In my mind, anyway. It really is remarkable how the idea of a boyfriend comes up and what gets said about it.

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First, let's start off with a very flattering variation on the traditional "why?" question:

Me: I don't have a boyfriend.

A friend: why not? You are so beautiful...
 

If only it were that easy ...

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Next, we have a conversation that literally came out of no-where.  I think someone congratulated me on my Chinese speaking skills, I responded appropriately by complimenting my Chinese teacher .... and then came this curveball:

Co-worker: Your Chinese teacher doesn't have a boyfriend.

Me: Neither do I ...

Co-worker: But she's older than you... you should introduce her to a nice Chinese boy.

And where exactly will I meet this nice Chinese boy?

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And now for a conversation with the aforementioned Chinese teacher:

Me: I have a secret to tell you ...

My Chinese Teacher: [excited] What is it? Do you have a boyfriend?

One-track mind, anyone?

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I think I mentioned this one in a previous blog entry. I was showing a local friend some pictures of my family, and here's what she told me:

Friend: You need more yellow in your family.  And you should marry a Chinese man, because they are afraid of their wives. 

Okay, so I laughed. Hard.

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This next one really surprised me, especially because it came from a non-Chinese person:

Friend: [indicating a young Chinese guy] You know, he's single, right?

Me: What?

A friend: Yeah. If you dated him, I'll bet his English would get better real fast.

Yep. There's a great reason for a guy to date me: Free English lessons!

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This one wasn't so bad, because a compliment was attached to it.  But still, it was funny:

Friend:  You look really pretty tonight. What's different?

Me: .... Thank you.

Friend: I bet I know what's different...

Me:  ... 

Friend: you have a boyfriend!

Me: Nope.

So ... apparently every "improvement" I make to myself is for someone else's benefit?  I'll have you know that all I did was wear a different pair of glasses that she'd probably never seen me in before.

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As you can see, in some roundabout way, the topic always ends up coming back to a boy. No particular boy; just the idea of a boy. And marriage. I'm always told I'm still young, that I have lots of time (and it's true; I do!) ... 

But paradoxically, when I tell married women with children that I am single and childless, I get congratulated. And I don't think it has anything to do with my ability to express these ideas in Chinese.

To quote Sheldon Cooper: "fascinating ..."