comfortable

I always kind of knew I'd end up overseas some day; I grew up hearing all kinds of inspiring stories of international workers, as my fellowship back home calls them, and I knew I wanted to support them somehow.  And that's one reason why I got a teaching degree.

I just never imagined I'd end up in China ...

Another reason for moving halfway around the world surfaced when I realized I'd gotten too comfortable where I was and was growing somewhat stagnant in my faith. 

I just didn't realize that, through it all, I would end up having my faith challenged far more here, and that the effects of this would be far longer-lasting than ever. In fact, in many ways, it's still on-going.

In short, losing a loved one really does a number on one's faith and beliefs. And it doesn't all disappear overnight. 4 months later, I feel I'm only starting to process the loss, the emotions, the questions...

I've also had issues I thought I'd dealt with come back to bite me in the behind. Really hard.  I've had conflicts arise that I swore up and down I would never let happen again.

But ironically, through it all, I feel ... comfortable. And I don't think that's a good thing.

I've got some friends back home who have started on some amazing faith journeys and I'm super excited for them.  They've got challenges ahead of them, but in the end a lot of good will come of it all.  And I'm excited to see where it all leads. For their sakes.

Makes me want to shake things up a bit here. Which is ironic, because wasn't coming here all about the faith journey to begin with?  Yes, it was - and still is. My passions and interests are changing. Or maybe I'm discovering for the first time what my passions and interests really are. 

I want to explore some new ideas. 

And maybe, just maybe, the "shaking things up" aspect of things is all part of the faith journey.  Who knows?

In the meantime, I just wait and see.