Misnomer

So I've been officially back in Canada for 2 months now.  It seems like such a long time, but it really isn't.

And then when I think of all that's happened since I've been back ...  wow-eee, is it any wonder I'm exhausted?

I've thought long and hard about many things. And I've also tried to avoid thinking long and hard about many things. And I've discovered that it is indeed possible to think about anything and nothing.  At the Exact. Same. Time.

Yeah, I'm going to need to think about that some more in order to figure out how that's possible.  And if I do, maybe someone will reward me for finding out how that works.  And I will maybe get a lot of money so I don't have to work anymore.

But then I'll probably be bored.

But that's for another post.  Some day.

Maybe.

Clearly, I'm tired. 

It's this whole "transition" thing.  I've heard the words "reverse culture shock" so many times since I've been back, but honestly, I think it took me a week or two (okay, maybe a month) to get back into the swing of things and not ... forget China, but to have it feel like a dream. 

Every now and again, however, I get a little sad/nostalgic when I see posts from friends in China.  I mourn the loss of their friendship.  I miss the students (a bit), and many of the opportunities and blessings we had there. 

Every now and then I am reminded of something I did or experienced in China, and I want to share it with those around me because it's a fun story. Or because I want them to learn something about me or my experiences. Or even still, I want to clear up some misconception about China.

But it's not prevalent.  And yet, I'm still ... dealing with much.

I asked a friend who spent the same amount of time in China what she went through, culture shock-wise, and she told me about feeling tired (burnt out), dealing with health concerns, and just being generally out of it.

I too am dealing with feeling burnt out.  I too have health issues I'm sorting through.  I too am generally out of it.

But the root cause of that is not culture or adjusting to it.

For me, one of the biggest things is the newness of things that, in actuality, I never dealt with before I moved to China. Driving everywhere. Going to a laundromat. Running on hills on the side of a highway all the while dodging roadkill. Car maintenance.  My impending state of .... aunthood. Not being in any way shape or form associated with any educational institute. long, lazy mornings. late (ish) evenings. Sitting on my butt all day and knowing that, I don't need to plan to go home sick; I can just go home.

And then there's the whole being on my own again, building up new friendships/community, finding my niche ... (which, thankfully, is going very well).

And somewhere deep down inside, every once in a while, I'm struck by some difference between "Here" and "There," which has now become the opposite of the "Here" and "There" that I've been dealing with over the last two years.

There is culture shock, yes.

But it's so much more than that.

So why don't we just call it "transition"?