crazy talk

I’m currently asking myself a lot of questions, most of which do not belong on this blog.

But there is one question I’m wrestling with that I don’t mind talking about. 

AM I CRAZY??

Please bear with me to give you some background information, and I apologize in advance if I am repeating stuff you already know.

I have a great job.  My classes are small (my largest one has 12 students).  All of my students understand the value of a good education and, as such, have a respect for authority unlike anything I’ve ever encountered.  One of the biggest discipline issues I encounter is students breaking the language policy (in other words, Korean, not English).  I have also been richly blessed working with such a dedicated and knowledgeable team of teachers who have also been amazingly supportive throughout what has been thus far the most difficult and challenging year of my life.

I mean, who else would give me a two and a half-week leave to go home to see my father one last time AND insist I go home again, less than 2 months later, for my father’s funeral?

Of course, I didn’t go back.  That would have led to death by jetlag. I'm not even kidding. Not only that, but I would have been in serious debt; last-minute plane tickets literally cost an arm and a leg.

Back to the staff I work with. Who else would put me on a plane to Shanghai, pay for my food AND my hotel so I could get the training I needed to teach a course I’d never even heard of before I came here? 

The experiences I've had here are literally unreal. School trips involve going to places like Xi’an, where the Terra Cotta Warriors were discovered.  And while most schools back in Canada are lucky if they manage to get access to a mode of transportation other than the cheese wagon (yellow school bus with the really uncomfortable seats), my school barely bats an eyeball when it comes to booking plane tickets.

And then there are the adventures outside of school. I’m within 3 hours by train to THE Great Wall, that structure that was built 5000 years ago to keep out the Mongols that is (erroneously) reported to be visible from space. I'm off to see another part of the wall tomorrow. There are also palaces, museums and temples galore to visit, and believe me I've seen a few. 

I also ran part of the Beijing Marathon last year, I've spent several (uncomfortable) nights in trains, and I even had a chance to see what is probably the most closed country in the entire world a few weeks ago. This. Is. The. Life.

And I live in the lap of luxury.  Unlike some people here, I can afford to shop in the import aisle, and, while I hate being overcharged at the markets, I can afford a loss – albeit unintentional – every now and then.  I have a large, spacious apartment and access to a rooftop.  There’s no question of waiting around for work to find me, and I know where my next paycheck is coming from.

Oh, and did I mention I have a cleaning lady? I can’t remember the last time I scrubbed a toilet. Fabulous, I tell you.       

You don’t want to get me started on my community, because there are so many good things I could say about it.  The support I’ve experienced since I got here has been unreal and blow my mind awesome. Meals during tough times.  Birthday celebrations with a candle so epic that, under slightly different circumstances, I might have ended up eyebrowless for a while.  Shoulders to cry on. People to laugh with.  And being cheered on at a race, even though I came in dead last.  There are kids to cuddle with, teens to tease, and that’s barely even scratching the surface.

Relationships here are formed quickly, and go deep just as fast.  You must have that network, that support, or else you run the risk of emotionally exploding when you’re living in a culture that is so vastly different from the one you came from.  And that’s probably hands down the best part about being here.

My acclimatizing to Asia was so smooth, thanks to other ex-pats who, recognizing how hard it is to adjust to here, give of their time and energy to patiently help us find our items of comfort, that, while I still had (and still have at times)  my “GAAAAH!  CHINA!!!” moments, it was a lot less frequently than it would have been otherwise.

And yet, all of this seems to be coming to an end. 

And here’s the crazy part:  I am the one choosing to bring that to an end.   

No one is forcing me to leave. The school will remain open next year, students will still need English credits to graduate, and as such there’s still a place for me here.  I’m not on bad terms – that I know of, anyway – with anyone.  And I’m choosing to bring this stage of my life to an end, all the while harbouring nothing but good feelings about my time here. 

So yes, I am asking, “Am I crazy?!”

The last time I asked myself that question, I had just bought myself a round-trip ticket to London, England.  I decided I was sane, had a friend agree – well, she told me I wasn’t  certifiably crazy – spent two weeks in England, Italy, France and Monaco, and had a blast. 

So who's to say that won't happen again?

But then again, who's to say it will?  

Nah, I refuse to think that way.

The company I currently work for asked me  to undergo a psychological assessment. I was given a green light to come here, which means I was sane.  At the time. I think …

But this whole desire to leave a job I enjoy, a group of people I’ve grown to love and living conditions that pale in comparison to what I had back in Canada, and probably never will have again … that’s gotta be a sign of unbalance.

At least, that’s what most people would think ... 

So why leave? And what to do? Excellent questions.  But those are topics for other blog posts on other days ...  

Stay tuned ...