Crazy Talk, part 2

I realize that my last post was somewhat of a cliffhanger.  Just think of it as a lesson in patience, and note that it is nothing anywhere close to the patience I'm being forced to exert at the moment. Read on to see what I mean ...

 

I think one of the reasons I've delayed continuing this series is because it's really tough to put into words what's going through my head about next year. There are so many unknowns and so many factors that I don't want to reveal at the moment because they're still in the "what if?" stage, and things may end up vastly different from the way I view them right now.  At my stage in life, I'm no where near settled anywhere ...

... and come to think of it, based on how my life has been and on my experiences here, I may never, ever be settled anywhere this side of eternity.

That's a tough pill to swallow.  For someone who spent over 20 years in the same house, this "get up and go on" habit I've gotten into is rather intense and challenging. Still, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that I need to make the best of wherever God plants me. I need to put down roots, even if it means pulling them up again two years later.  Yes, it's a painful process, but at least I don't feel isolated and alone in between the planting and the uprooting.

And that's precisely what I've done here.

Anyway, let's get back to the topic at hand.  In the midst of all my crazy thoughts, crazy talk and the unknown, there are a few things I do know.

First, I will not be signing another two year contract with my school.  As I mentioned in my previous post, I have made my decision rationally with a clear head and all the while harbouring no ill will against anyone. I've gotten to the point, however, where I feel I want to try something a little different.  

Second, if it all works out according to plan, I will be staying in China.  I've come to the realization that, though I currently find myself in China, I don't live in China.  I am surrounded by Americans, Koreans and a smattering of other really cool cultures all day long. But Chinese?  Not so much.  I'd like a chance to be able to change that. 

So I've come up with two big goals for myself:

1) Learn the language.  Life is just so much easier (and not as lonely) when you can speak the language. Not to mention, not as tiring. Acting out what I'm looking for when in a store is exhausting, especially when you end up following the salesperson to the other end of the store and three floors up ... only to find that what they think you want and what you actually want don't match up.

My trip to ShanHaiGuan this past weekend was definitely an ego-booster because I was able to accomplish so many things with my limited Chinese, but it was also a strong reminder that things could have been so much better had I been able to communicate more effectively.  Case in point: the driver we hired spoke no English, and at the end of the day, she told me that, when I refer her to friends here, I should tell them to mention that the girl who kept saying "qing man man shuo" (which means "please speak slowly") gave them her number. And if you didn't already pick up on it, I'm that girl who kept telling her to slow down. And despite my frequent use of this phrase, she did not slow down much - and when she did, it didn't help.

2) I want to interact with locals. Learn about the culture. Figure out what makes them tick.  I've had very little exposure to this in the last year and a bit, simply because I spend most of my waking hours in a classroom, and what few hours I have left I either do chores, run errands or zone out in an attempt to maintain my sanity.

I really, really wish I could just do those two things full-time.  But, I need a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothing on my back.  And since I am not a) married to a rich man, b)  independently wealthy, I need some sort of job.

Sidenote: Any rich man who is in want of a wife and isn't against living in China (more bang for your buck, let me tell you!), drop me a line.  Or, if some rich person, relative or otherwise, would like to die soon and leave me a large fortune, feel free to do so.

I currently have no details to offer about job situations for next year, other than to say that I have a couple options for studying and working.  A few key conversations in the next week or so will definitely help me to determine what I would like to do and where ...

But nothing definite will be decided until sometime in the new year.  Hence the aforementioned lesson in patience.

Honestly, though, I'm doing alright with the waiting.  Much better than I have in the past, that much is certain. And for that I am thankful.

And now I will "hurry up ... and wait."