I (legally) gained a brother-in-law today. I insert the word "Legally" because, as far as I'm concerned, Steve has been a part of our family for the past 8 years.
Still, it was a great day of celebration; the ceremony was very simple and fun; the bride was radient, the groom was handsome and very happy.
And, if I do say so myself, my dress was amazing.
Today, though, I also joined an ... interesting club. It`s the "All My Siblings Are Married ... And I'm Still Single" club, or the AMSAMAISSC for short. And I hold a special status in this club, seeing that I'm actually the eldest ... and I'm unmarried.
As a member of the AMSAMAISSC, I feel I have an important message to deliver to the world on behalf of all members. Please listen carefully.
In a world saturated with love stories that are found in books, magazines, tv shows, movies, commercials and even (GASP!) real life, we are fully aware that romantic relationships form an integral part of society today. Short of living in an opaque bubble, we cannot escape the centrality of these relationships in society, nor their portrayal of being something that is desirable.
As such, desires ARE indeed stirred within us. Desires for intimacy. Desires for companionship. Desires for unconditional love. Desires for partnership. Desires for committment.
And the list goes on.
But because we don't have this, the questions come.
What am I doing wrong?
What else can I be doing to find someone?
Why am I still alone?
and ... most painful of all ... What is wrong with me?
Please take my word for it: being inside a single person's head isn't easy. We've asked all the questions, we've agonized over the answers. And if we're smart, we come to - and try to stay at - a place where we can say, "Not my will, but Yours be done, Father" and actually move from hating our singleness to embracing it and living life to the fullest rather than moping around, all the while trusting that, if God has other plans for us, they will come to pass.
And if not, then there are reasons for that, too.
(believe me, I struggle with this a lot).
This is important, I think, for our own sanity, but also so that we can - among other things - rejoice with siblings - younger or older - and friends who find that special someone to spend the rest of their lives with.
Trouble is, questions about my marital status exist outside of my head as well. And I'm not the one asking them.
Oh, true, they may not be as hurtful as the ones I've listed above - no one has yet to ask me, for example, "What is wrong with you??" - but they are a painful reminder of my .... singleness. (Singlehood? Singular nature? Marital status, or lack thereof?)
In the past few months, I have been asked a lot how I felt about the fact that I would soon be the only unmarried one. I've also been asked "When will it be your turn?" and other such questions many times.
Newsflash: not very many single people CHOOSE to be single. And many don't like it. But I, for one, am continually striving to be satisfied with what I have instead of wishing things were different and allowing those thoughts to depress me.
True, I would jump at the chance to get married, if it were to ever come my way. But I cannot afford to spend my time pining after something and pouting because I don't have it.
And sometimes, I get to a place of contentment. And I'm happy.
Happy, that is, until someone comes along and asks a question that reminds me that, yes, I am indeed unattached.
Allow me to make an unlikely comparison. Picture a slow leak in a balloon. Not much air gets out, but some of the firmness and shape is lost.
Thankfully, that leak can usually be easily found, patched up and the balloon can be reinflated.
If, however, during the fixing process, another leak occurs, then another, then another, then another ... it's much tougher to find and deal with the individual leaks.
Asking questions can be like poking holes in our happiness. You may think you're only asking an innocent question, cracking a joke, expressing interest - after all, one person tonight told me, "But someone has to joke about it!" - but you don't know who else has thought the same way and said the same things to that person. And you don't know the battle that is going on inside their heads. And you don't know how hard they are fighting to simply survive in a world where the mantra seems to be "life is better together."
I'm simply striving to be satisfied with what I've got; I don't need to be reminded of what I don't have.
Because that seems to imply that something is missing in my life, that my life isn't good enough without it.
And that, dear readers, is one of the biggest lies I've ever heard.
And, unfortunately, believed.
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