Are you sitting down?
Good.
There is one type of writing I do NOT like to do.
I know, I know. Shocking, isn't it? But it's true.
I was asked to help someone with their resumé. This got me thinking about my own resumé, and how it should really be updated.
Good.
There is one type of writing I do NOT like to do.
I know, I know. Shocking, isn't it? But it's true.
I was asked to help someone with their resumé. This got me thinking about my own resumé, and how it should really be updated.
And that's when all the trouble started.
There is nothing I hate more than writing anything that will be seen by a potential employer. Why? Because I never know what to say to glamourize/make myself sound like the most awesome employee in the world, to the point where a potential boss would be an IDIOT not to hire me.
This is silly and ironic, considering that, in my humble opinion, I have an amazing way with words (If you disagree, I challenge you to a duel: dictionaries at 10 paces!). So if I suck at writing CVs, I can't imagine what it's like for a person who (GASP!) hates stringing words together to make sentences. This is really unfortunate, seeing that a potential employer will often make a decision based solely on what a person has written on a piece of paper. This is often a poor reflection of who a person is, what their personality is like, etc.
But then, if said employer were to interview every single person who applied for a given position ... that could take days. Weeks. Months. Who knows?
This is problematic for positions that need to be filled ASAP. Teachers. Doctors. Garbage collectors.
Anyway, my mind flashed back to something I wrote about 6 years ago, near the end of my time at the University of Windsor, where I got my teaching degree.
On that note, interesting factoid for you Americans reading this ... Windsor (a Canadian city) is actually SOUTH of Detroit (an American city).
Yep. Blew my mind, too. Every time I looked at the Detroit skyline.
Anyhoo ... back to what I wrote. It's a spoof of a cover letter that I posted on my first blog. Enjoy!
Dear Mr. So and So,
Having
read your posting for teachers in today's newspaper, I felt it was
important for me to tell you how much I want to work for your
organization. Having left university with thousands of dollars in debt,
I need a job ASAP. ....
Err... maybe just a LITTLE too desperate. Let's try that again....
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
I came accross acrose across a very interesting posting in the Windsor Star today re: regarding the fabulu fabulous job oferins offerings for atom aotum auntom the fall, and I just had to let you know that I was very much intriged intrigued. I would sincerly sicerlly really like love to work for you, it would be such a blast and I'm I am sure I would learn alot al ot so much…
Uh….Right. That’ll get me far.
Hey Dude,
That
advertisement, you know, the one about the teacher’s that you put into
that newspaper yesterday? Well, like, it looks like totally awesome, and
your perks are hot (I’m sure your teachers are, too!). It would be
like, super cool to work for you, like….
Nah, too, like, Valley Girl. I’m not that blonde; I could never pull it off.
Dear Ms. Jones;
I m a purfect person 4 ur job. I luv kidz cuz they r so fun. hope 2 hear frm u l8r
Tech talk. Ugh. Somehow, I don't think that'll impress em... I mean, them.
Dear Mr. Smith;
I’m sending this resume in response to your newspaper advertisement for new teachers for your board. As
you can see, I am the perfect person for this job; not only am I good
looking, but I’m a great teacher as well; in fact, you’d be really
stupid to hire anyone else…
Eeep! That’s not me at all!
Wait, I think I’ve got it!
Deer Skule,
Je am teacher of francais extrordinare. Pleez higher me. Thanx.[1]
There, that ought to do it. And I suppose I can expect a response like this:
There, that ought to do it. And I suppose I can expect a response like this:
OK, je vais vous hirer. Je think que vous will be une prof super bonne. Appelle me pour un interview.[2]
[1] Race, Christopher. “Some Random MSN conversation.” MSN Messenger, January 11, 2006
[2] Lemieux, Danielle. “Something composed while passing notes in French Class.” I speak good Frenchais, January 11, 2006
Hey, what kind of English major would I be if I didn't give credit where credit is due?
No comments:
Post a Comment