Foreigner

Wei guo ren: a Chinese word that means "foreigner."

Foreigner: [fawr-uh-ner, for-] noun

1. a person not native to or naturalized in the country or jurisdiction under consideration; alien.

2. a person from outside one's community.

3. a thing produced in or brought from a foreign  country.

Alien. Outside. Not native.

Yeah, that's me alright. And here it's completely obvious. I just don't look like a local.

I now know what celebrities feel like. I get stared at. Photographed. Mens' gazes follow me when I run. 

Some may be flattered by this, but it's ... annoying after a while.  It's a reminder that I don't "fit."  That there's something "different" about me.

Being from the outside means I can plead ignorance on certain things and get away with more than a local person would.  In some ways, I'm safer than locals because no one would dare hurt someone from "away". They'll also quickly come to my aid when I'm stuck. That being said, however, locals will sometimes try to chastise/correct me when they feel I'm doing something wrong. Like not wearing enough clothes when running when it's almost 20 degrees Celcius out. 

Shenme? (what?)

But on the other hand, it also means that I get taken advantage of more easily because I don't know any better. This is seen most clearly when it comes to bargaining for a decent price on an item I'd like to get.  I've been told there are 4 levels of pricing: the lowest is "local from this city," "local from another city," "foreigner who lives in this country," and "foreigner who's only visiting." At any rate, some people will try really hard to squeeze as many kuai out of me as they can, because I'm obviously not from the area.  Much to my chagrin, it's worked in the past.

At work, I'm part of the "foreign staff." I always do a double-take when I hear this, because I think of the locals as foreign, rather than myself for some reason.  Because to me they are foreign. They are different from me. 

How ethnocentric and culturally insensitive of me.

What's weird is that I'm a foreigner back home, too. 

My unexpected trip back home in February drove this point home.  I walked up to the customs officer and she asked me for the purpose of my visit.  I answered her, "Oh, no. I live in China."  She simply repeated the question, and I clued into the fact that she meant my visit to Canada. 

I don't pay taxes in Canada anymore. But I'm also not eligible for Canadian benefits. Like heath insurance and GST/HST payments.  If I spend the rest of my working life outside of the country, I won't be eligible for CPP payements when I retire. If I find myself unemployed and back in Canada, I won't be able to ask for unemployment pay.

I don't have a home there. I'm a visitor, not a resident. I'll sleep in a guest bedroom, not my room.

It's all very ... strange.

There are only two things that make me "Canadian" right now: 

1) my Canadian passport.

2) my family.

And even that's changing in my absence.

It's not bad. It's just ... different. Strange. Weird. 

And it'll never be what it was.